I had to go to New Jersey to help my mom go through and recover from a lumpectomy. Not exactly my idea of a good time. I've never had to watch someone walk away from me into an operating room to have a simple yet terrifying procedure. The surgery went well, as did the recovery. A few days after that though Stephen called to tell me that he'd been "kicked out" of the BFA (bachelor of fine arts) program at his school. Stephen had worked so hard for this only to fail now? He told me he was thinking about transferring to a school in Philadelphia, potentially leaving me alone in Grand Rapids while he followed his dreams of being an artist. After that I realized I had no way to pay my rent come June 1st and that my job as a teacher was somewhat unstable. I was stressed to say that least. I seriously entertained the thought of committing myself. Seriously. I took to laughing like a crazy person to keep from crying and rocking myself in a fetal position.
Then I stopped worrying. And God took care of my unprayed prayers.
My mom recovered fantastically. Stephen decided to stay at Calvin, show the art department he's worthy of their program, and pour himself into his artwork. When I came home I realized I had two paychecks and a large tax refund waiting for me. More than enough to cover my expenses for the next month. Even if none of those things happened I would've been fine. I have a family who cares for me deeply, friends who share in my uncertainty about life and offer support and advice, and a companion in Stephen who is with me every step of this long, scary, winding, and terrifying journey to adulthood. My life is harder than it ever has been but I can honestly say that I have never felt better about it. I feel safe, loved, and joyful.
"Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine! Then the fates will know you as we know you..."
-- Edmond in "The Count of Monte Cristo"
