Sundays

I have been having the best Sundays lately! I decided back when Stephen and Sarah came back to Michigan for the school year that we would spend Sundays having "family" time. Eating a meal together, doing some sort of activity, and catching up with one another. It's been great! One Sunday we ate pasta and meatballs and just sat around and read, did homework, snacked, and laughed. The next week I cooked Indian food for lunch and we went downtown to look at all of the art prize art. Last week Sarah was in Chicago but Stephen and I went back downtown to see even more art and then spent the rest of the day relaxing. 

This week definitely topped it all though. We went apple picking with some friends, enjoyed hot cider, donuts, and apples (naturally), then our friend Ciera came back home with us and we cooked a big roast chicken dinner with mashed potatoes and carrots. While the chicken was in the oven we went across the street to my neighbors estate sale where we found a few items we liked. Most everything had been picked over but I found a Christmas wreath and Ciera a few cute mirrors. As we went to pay for them the guy asked a dollar for each thing. So we gave him two dollars. We were excited! Then (yes, it gets better) he starts asking what else we'd like. "Do you want this candle stick?" (it was grossly gaudy and about 3 feet tall with the candle!). Sarah said, "Yeah!". He went through most of the house handing us whatever we wanted. It was all completely hideous but we took stuff! It was incredibly awkward to have to say "Uh.... no, thanks, I don't really the things you own". But I came out with 4 bamboo trays and a wreath. Sarah got 3 drinking glasses, a giant candlestick in the shape of a lady in a robe, and a bowl. Ciera got 3 mirrors, a vase, and a decorative mask (this guy had bad taste!). Then, after admiring our treasures, we made apple crisp and sat down to play Uno. Then I taught everyone how to play Frog Juice (still just as fun!). All the while the candlestick was on the table, lit. We just had such a good time laughing and being together. It was wonderful. I'm so glad I've finally found a full life here in Grand Rapids. 

Next week: pumpkin carving!

Walking

Since last I blogged my trike was stolen. I was devastated, horrified, angry, and a little scared as it was taken from my back yard in the night. But I'm taking it with a grain of salt and realizing it's opening up more opportunities for me. Like walking.

I can't say I have ever really enjoyed walking. It always seems to take forever and, well, it makes my feet hurt. But I've been walking none the less. I feel it's a family tradition now. My Grandfather walks I think it's 7mi every day (correct me if I'm wrong, Grandpa!), my parents walk often on the weekends, my sister and her husband often walk into town from there home in Kentucky. But it's my grandfather who who inspires me. He's 79. I'm 21. So I can walk to work 3 times a week. I'm not sure how far it is to work, maybe a mile and a half one way? I can do it. Although, you have to know that my grandfather is much more physically fit then I am. I remember the day after we had taken over a 10mi walk my cousin and I were sore and achy and tired and when we told Grandpa this he responded by saying "I feel fine!", dancing around the kitchen and laughing. That was only a few years ago. So I can walk to work. And, surprisingly enough, I have been enjoying it greatly. It offers me time to myself, time to think, enjoy the summer smells. So thanks, Grandpa for inspiring me to walk and learn to enjoy it. I aspire to be as healthy, fun loving, and young as you are when I'm 79.

I haven't blogged in such a long time. I always convince myself no one really wants to hear about my mundane life. And maybe you don't, but I think I'm going to tell you anyway.

I have been experiencing life very differently lately. I have had very little money and yet I have 3 jobs. I have 3 jobs but seem to never have anything to do. So for the last few months I have been enjoying watching movies from the library, making creative meals out of what's in my pantry, going to the free city beach on Lake Michigan, and riding my trike and using public transportation as much as possible. It's been pretty fun. My new job at the dance store downtown is great. My boss is halarious (most of the time) and I love the two girls I work with. It's fairly easy work as I know the products I'm selling so well and it's a very relaxed enviorment. My job at the studio has been slow as I'm only teaching two nights a week. And my job at Charlotte Russe is the same. 

Stephen had to go back to New Jersey for the rest of the summer because he couldn't find any work here in Michigan. He'll be working at the Thai restaurant again. He left yesterday and I'm already terribly sad with out him. He is coming with a few friends of ours the first week in August for a visit and will be back again at the start of the school year. It's going to be such a long four weeks to say the least. 

I've decided that for the rest of the summer I'm going to go to the beach every Sunday (weather permitting), read at least 4 good books, eat lots of ice pops late at night, and spend time with the new friends I've made out here this last year.

Worry and Resolution

I'm not sure I have ever been so challenged by life as I have been this last week. 

I had to go to New Jersey to help my mom go through and recover from a lumpectomy. Not exactly my idea of a good time. I've never had to watch someone walk away from me into an operating room to have a simple yet terrifying procedure. The surgery went well, as did the recovery. A few days after that though Stephen called to tell me that he'd been "kicked out" of the BFA (bachelor of fine arts) program at his school. Stephen had worked so hard for this only to fail now? He told me he was thinking about transferring to a school in Philadelphia, potentially leaving me alone in Grand Rapids while he followed his dreams of being an artist. After that I realized I had no way to pay my rent come June 1st and that my job as a teacher was somewhat unstable. I was stressed to say that least. I seriously entertained the thought of committing myself. Seriously. I took to laughing like a crazy person to keep from crying and rocking myself in a fetal position. 

Then I stopped worrying. And God took care of my unprayed prayers.

My mom recovered fantastically. Stephen decided to stay at Calvin, show the art department he's worthy of their program, and pour himself into his artwork. When I came home I realized I had two paychecks and a large tax refund waiting for me. More than enough to cover my expenses for the next month. Even if none of those things happened I would've been fine. I have a family who cares for me deeply, friends who share in my uncertainty about life and offer support and advice, and a companion in Stephen who is with me every step of this long, scary, winding, and terrifying journey to adulthood. My life is harder than it ever has been but I can honestly say that I have never felt better about it. I feel safe, loved, and joyful. 

"Life is a storm, my young friend. You will bask in the sunlight one moment, be shattered on the rocks the next. What makes you a man is what you do when that storm comes. You must look into that storm and shout as you did in Rome. Do your worst, for I will do mine! Then the fates will know you as we know you..."

-- Edmond in "The Count of Monte Cristo"

Suffering

I've been thinking lately about suffering. I know someone who seems never to have suffered much in her life; she's always been healthy, had money and food, a good job she loved. So when she complains about certain things it seems bizarre because the things she finds terrible are completely manageable to other people who have suffered much worse. I have a friend who I recently found out had a rough 10 years of her life. When she was just a teenager her mother died of cancer and she was the one who took care of her till the end. After that her father abandoned her and she was left to work and figure out how to feed herself; she had to invite herself to peoples houses constantly just to get a meal for the day. Her suffering is nothing like my own. But I'm beginning to understand more of those struggles as life hits me pretty hard. I still know very little of the pain most people face everyday but I'm glad God is giving me these things because I know with all my heart there will be a time of spring after this long and cold winter. The flowers will bloom again and the sun will come out and warm me. And that comforts me.

The Little Things

In the course of my life I have seen so many strange and funny things that just make me smile. Here are some of those things...

There is a man at the grocery store here who is working almost every time I go and he's just this old man that makes me smile.

Today I saw a happy old lady with her husband buying a handle of vodka. What?

Not long ago I saw a lady clearly having a conversation with a cat...

I love anytime I glance at people when they're driving and they are just singing away to the tunes.

I was working at the mall once and this little girl was belting out the words and dancing to "Single Ladies" by Beyonce. So cute!

I suggest opening your eyes and looking around at these little things in life. Be observant of the people around you and you'll be surprised at how much you notice. Some things will make you cringe while other will bring a little smile to your face. I know it makes my life much fuller.

New Friends and Tattoos

As most of you know I've had a tough time making friends in this new town of mine. Well, I think Sunday was a very successful time with new friends. I have a student, Brianna, who goes to the same church and is married to Jim and I work with a girl, Julie, at Charlotte Russe, who is dating Brianna's best friend. It's all very small world and all that but it makes for convenient friend making when all those people happen to be fun. It was just one of those days where I went to church with all of them and it turned into lunch, and then chatting about pretty much everything from Fraggle Roc, to weird karate classes, to faith and marriage, and before I knew it it was six o'clock. I'm excited to have new friends, especially ones who make me laugh, don't judge me for my craziness, and are just good people in general. 

On another note, I got a tattoo on Friday. It was probably the weirdest feeling I've ever had but it was a great experience and I freakin love the thing! It looks great. I had wanted it for just about a year now and I figured it was as good a time as any to get it done. I'll post a picture as soon as it's all healed.

Art

It took me a long time to consider myself an artist. I think that often most people don't see the performing arts (dance, theatre) as "artful" as the visual arts (painting, sculpture, photography, etc). I'm not sure why that is. But I think I'm at a point where I look at what I do as a teacher and choreographer and see that it's art. Most of the time it means my students are contributing the most to the art but my hand is certainly in it. My mind has also been opened more to the idea that a lot of things are artful. Such as crafting (knitting, quilting, etc); have you ever seen an Amish quilt? If that's not art I'm not sure what is. Stephen and I often discuss the question of what is art? To me art is anything that is tangible, able to be seen/heard, mentally comprehended, and has "life" in it. And by life I mean emotion or symbolism or a message of some sort. It may be that the creator didn't intend it to be artful. Perhaps it's a child dancing to their favorite song, or a girl snapping a candid photo of a friend, or someone making up a song off the top of their head to sing to their significant other. These things can be fleeting and quick and sometimes silly but what's to say it's not art? I've come a long way in my thought process about this. I used to be certain that art could only exist with training and technique, although I do still believe that there is great value in those things, I've come to realize it's not necessary. I think what finally solidified this in my mind was something that happened this weekend. We had a performance at the studio where I teach and I had a piece in it that had five girls and women. One of the women in the dance has only been dancing since September and she has not yet mastered the technique of dance. But there was a point when I looked at her while she was performing and it was beautiful what I saw: passion, complete immersion in the moves. It was truly at that moment I was able to see what art can be and not what it should be. Again, that is not to say that anyone can be a great painter or a great actor. I do believe you need training and diligence and a natural inclination. But I am definitely going to be looking for art in places I never have before.

Sauce

I was making sauce this morning and I came to a happy realization. I don't have a recipe for sauce. Neither does my mother nor did her mother, my Noni. But I know how to make sauce the way my mother makes it. How? Because I spent countless times standing next to my mom while she made it. Stirring the pot, filling up the little tomato paste can with water to add. And when I got older, chopping the garlic, which was a huge deal for me! I remember one time, just once, my mother walked me through the steps as I watched carefully. But I never wrote it down, I just know how to make it. It's great to be part of an oral tradition like that. I hope it continues with Lucy as well as my children. I hope and pray they will stand by their Noni stirring that pot and filling up that little can with water. Thanks, Mom, for teaching me so well.

Last week was a toughie. Tuesday was an ok day; tiring but overall pretty normal. Then on Wednesday night while teaching I pulled my groin muscle. If you know anything about sports injuries or just the human body in general you probably know that the groin is one of the hardest muscles to heal. It plagues most people for a lifetime. It made me feel awful about myself because you pull your groin, much like any muscle, from the muscles surrounding it being weak. Who wants to feel weak? I have a performance coming up at the end of February and I'm praying it's healed up before then so I can still perform. Then on Thursday i spent most of the day throwing up. The hardest part about it was that Stephen was in class all day and I had no one to take care of me. I'm not sure I've ever wanted a vacation so badly before... 

The Last Chapter of the Right to Vote

Just to let you all know I got my voter registration card in the mail this week. Is that wasn't overdue I don't know what is! 

All I can do is shake my head.

How are you?

Such a common question that so many people ask, right? Do you ever answer it honestly? I have to say that I try to. And I tend to only ask that question when I want to know the honest answer from someone. I have a friend who always just shrugs her shoulders or says "eh" when I ask because she doesn't think I really want to hear whats going on with her. But I do. So I assume people want the truth when I'm asked. I have to admit though that I don't always. So for those of you who read my blog this is my honest answer about how I'm doing.

Over the past few weeks as I've been here in New Jersey everyone has been asking me how I like Grand Rapids and I've been responding with "I hate it". And I do. I'm trying so hard to like it. I hate the snow, a certain type of people, the drivers, the time of day my mailman comes, my neighbors, the traffic lights, the lack of street signs, the fact that I have no friends, pretty much everything. The people who I talk to often know this and I'm sure they are sick of hearing it by now so I'm going to write about what I do like (positive thinking, right?). I like that Grand Rapids is an old city full of history, I like the way my street looks while it's snowing at night, I like the brick roads, I like the public library and the people who I always see everytime I'm there. I like how everyone smiles at each other and makes conversation in the grocery store. I love waking up in the morning and feeling independant (no matter how cold it is), I love that no matter how bad my day was I know that I can come home to my home. I love that the reason I moved my life to a strange and sometimes horrible place was for a man that I love more dearly and deeply than I ever thought I was capable of. And that he feels the same about me. I love that no matter how many inches of snow, wrong turns I make, or how loud my neighbors are, we can laugh together at the end of the day.

So thank you to everyone who has listened to me complain endlessly. I think my New Years resolution is to try to see that greener grass.